DFN digimon frontier news
by Royal Court Jester
Summary: the characters of digimon frontier are news reporters and announcers I'll change the genre later, rated M. warning,violence, suggestive themes, swearing and other stuff
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hello readers welcome to DFN (digimon frontier news) when our favorite Digimon characters give the recently made up news! Yeah! I'm the director, producer etc.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon all the news here are not actual facts....I think**

**chapter 1: the pilot episode**

**and now lets begin:**

_**nothing happened all is in silence**_

**ermm Takuya?**

Takuya: yes what's the matter, are we ready?

**Yeah but I forgot to hire a sound guy, you know those who put the music intro and special effects , can you hum a song?, it doesn't matter what song, I just don't have any**

Takuya: huh? But...I don't want to, I don't know any so-

**just do it goddammit! Time is running out.**

Takuya: okay okay don't get mad...eeheermm*clears throat* _chan characha chaaann teereeree teereeree boom boom boooooooom taaaraaa raaaa raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa chan_ *pant*

**okay that should do it, thanks Takuya.**

**Welcome to DFN *plays the recorded song of Takuya humming in a small radio* with**

**Zoe Orimoto and Takuya Kanbara**

**sports with Junpei "J.P." Shibayama**

**spectacles with Kouichi Kimura**

**and our field reporters Tommy Himi and Kouji Minamoto**

Zoe: good day dear viewers I'm Zoe Orimoto

Takuya: and I'm Takuya Kanbara. If you are on of the people who said before "I'll do it when the pigs fly" be prepare for do it 'cause the scientist of the university of Porklard are modifying the genes of all the pigs in the country to make them fly, although we don't know why but much people think is a good thing and other people said is was bad, like Zoe, she said she will be my girlfriend only when the pigs fly, Go scientist! Make those pigs fly now!

Zoe: no don't do it, go to hell scientist of Porklard!

**Zoe calm down! It's your turn**

Zoe: okay....in other news recently gang wars leave much of the stores in downtown with their open doors, many people take advantage of this to steal whatever they want without being busted by the police, our field reporter Kouji Minamoto is in the area, good day Kouji

**Kouji is on camera now in downtown**

Kouji: yeah take some of those too, quick! (a boy nod his head and run to a store, the camera man makes him the signal of "on air") huh?..aaaa...good day to you too Zoe, Takuya, as you can see all the stores in the area are damaged by the gang wars of today early in the morning, people are stealing even the mannequins of the clothing shop, perfumes, TVs, toys, everything they put their hands on, everybody is making their Christmas shopping today.

Zoe: what about the police? Are they going to sit a watch?

Kouji: I don't know it seems they're planning something but I'm not sure, but- oh looks like a great anti riot force is coming this way, they-they are shooting tear gas*cough**cough* wait officer we are just *cough* reporters.

Police officer: shut up emo scum! (pull out his baton)

Kouji: wait, officer I'm not an emo! I'm just a-*whack* (the officer hit him in the back with his baton) ouch! You pig!

Police officer: Pig?! Now you'll pay for that (pull out his electric taser)

Kouji: no wait I'm sorry plea-*bzzzzt*(the officer use his taser on Kouji)gaack...ddddeeeeeeeaaaa..gagagagagaa.

**There's no video no sound just static**

Zoe: Kouji are you there? Kouji!?

Takuya: we lost contact with him...he'll be fine it's an emo, on to the sports with J.P.!

J.P.: thank you Takuya, the Chicago cubs won the world series championship yesterday but that's not important, but this one is very important, Michael Ruberfrügen the coach of the Dallas cowboys slice himself a finger while cooking, he can't draw strategies in the blackboard anymore that's horrible it's a major tragedy to the world! That's all for today in the world of the footba-I mean sports!

Zoe: thank you J.P. That was very...interesting, but against who the cubs won?

J.P.: it's not important, nobody cares

Zoe: I want to know!

Takuya: he said it's not important Zoe, I believe it isn't important too

Zoe: Takuya! you too!?

**Alright alright enough! The Cubs defeat the New York Yankees! J.P. Don't avoid something like that again or you're fired okay?**

J.P.: yes...boss

Zoe: oh that's amazing, I'm very happy for the Cubs!

Takuya: yeah yeah it was only a championship nothing else...

Zoe: World Series Championship! I think is a very important achievement!

Takuya: yeah whatever! The spectacles with Kouichi Kimura!

Kouichi: thanks Takuya, here is the spectacles section, one writer of a famous writers page the Royal Court Jester presents his new story today named "digimon frontier news" a pathetic attempt of a humor story when the characters are news announcers and reporters, Tommy Himi is trying to make him some question about this strange project, go ahead Tommy.

**The TV changes to the point of view of tommy's camera**

Tommy: thanks Kouichi, I just saw Royal Court Jester enter the bathroom a moment ago, I'm waiting for him to came out.

Kouichi: that's good Tommy but why don't you come over here to that?he is our-

Tommy: oh he came out, Mr. Jester!

Royal Court Jester: hm? What the hell you want I'm busy

Tommy: Mr. Jester!*pant* wait for me, just a few questions!

Royal Court Jester: Leave alone kid!

Tommy: please just a few questions!

Royal Court Jester: I said leave alone!

Tommy: but si-*pow* (RCJ punched Tommy in the nose, he drop his camera and a moment later tommy's face was in front of the camera bleeding from the nose unconscious)

Kouichi: O_O Tommy? Are you okay? Hello Tommy?

Takuya: I think his dead O_O

Zoe: poor boy...

***enters the studio* guys you'll never believe this, a stupid boy with a big hat was following me since I came out from the bathroom, I had no choice but to punch his face, I think I broke his nose hahaha, guys? What happened what are you looking at?**

Zoe: I think you just killed tommy Jester

**kill him!? but I haven't saw him in the entire day, he supposed to have an interview with me**

Takuya: eh...boss (Takuya points to the TV)that's tommy

**huh? What that kid? That's not Tommy that's the kid I just kick his butt, wait a minute*put on glasses* OMG! Tommy what have I done? call an ambulance!**

Zoe: sorry guys we have some technical issues, stay tune for more DFN!

Takuya: oh Zoeeeee (smirking)

Zoe: what do you want?

Takuya: look trough the window

Zoe: *gasp* don't s*beep* me, a flying pig!?

Takuya: that's right! And you know what that means

Zoe: can we talk about this?

Takuya: no

**Takuya grab Zoe by the waist and hugs her very strong**

Zoe: aaahhhh Takuya you're suffocating me!

Takuya: then you need some oxygen!

**Takuya kiss her in the mouth, Zoe's face is more red than the blood then all become static  
**

**A/N: well that's it, my attempt for a humor fic story crap thing, since it has no real plot just random things in form of news, any suggestions are welcomed and will be posted in the "eye of the people" section of this fic, I don't know when I'm gonna update but maybe more soon than the other stories , see ya, review please. ^_^ **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: hello everybody, welcome to another chapter of DFN, thanks to blackandblood, TobiGB, don'tchaknowme4life and lanski12 for their reviews and ideas. Tommy is not dead his in the hospital! Sorry if I apparently killed him. This chapter is rated "M" but only this one**

**by the way remember that guy bloodbathsucks? Thank you for your review too! You give me a one more review ^_^ keep flaming me so I get more reviews**

**disclaimer: I don't own digimon or whatever characters appears here**

**Chapter 2: hiring a weather man **

**okay guys one of our viewers (readers) sent me a message the other day, pointing that we don't have a weather man, which is true I don't know why I don't hire someone to do that.**

Kouji: because you're an idiot

**what did you say?! (show him the taser)**

Kouji: n-nothing I should get prepared to work (run out of the studio)

**I'm watching you man!**

Takuya: hey RCJ why Kouji get out running like that?

**Because he's afraid of my taser, he has bad experiences with it**

Takuya: hahaha Kouji is a coward, how much it can hurt? I mea-*pzzzzt* oooouch my n-n-nipple!

**See? It hurts a lot**

Takuya: ouch, it hurts but somehow is funny

**funny? **

Takuya: yeah, it hurts but it feels funny later

**then you like this one (pull out something with the shape of a pistol)**

Takuya: a gun?! You're not gonna shoot me right?

**Oh don't worry it's a taser-gun it only f****ires two small dart-like electrodes, which stay connected to the main unit by conductive wire giving the same result as the normal taser but a long range.**

Takuya: wow, those spikes looks dangerous

**wanna try it?**

Takuya: can I use it?!

**No, I'll use it on you (evil smirk and fire)**

Takuya: ouch! It hurts, those things are nailed in my skin! Get them of-*pzzzzt* agh!

**Mwuahaha you were right Takuya this is fun**

Takuya: *pzzzzt*ouch too much pain*pzzzt* ahh stop please

**okay I need to do other things anyway**

Zoe: oh hello RCJ what are you doing?

**Oh nothing I was tasering Takuya but I need to go**

Zoe: looks fun! Can I tase him too?

**of course, here take it I need to do some interviews to hire a weather man**

Takuya: NO wait! Don't leave me with her please

Zoe: oh Taki this isn't going to hurt...unless I'll pull the trigger!(evil grin)

Takuya: no pleas*pzzzzt* aaaahhhh-*pzzzt* oooouuuuu I bide my dongue!(he bites his tongue)

Zoe: that's for kissing me on camera! And for almost suffocate me! And for convince me to DO that in RCJ desk last night!

***pfft*(spills coffee just before to open the door of the office) you did what in my desk!? I-I don't even want to know, just go and clean my office right now! **

Takuya: b-b-but Jester we don't...

Zoe: yeah I don't mean exactly that, we were just making out!

Takuya: totally naked(grin)

**gah! fu*beep* I got an image in my head now, juts go and clean my office!**

**(Takuya and Zoe go to the office with their heads down)**

**I'm not against the expresions of love but there are places to do it better than other people's desk!**

**now where I'm supposed to receive the people for the weather man interviews?**

_Moments later in the bathroom_

**okay this should do it (lows the sit of the toilet and put a table in front of it and sit)**

**okay first one, come in! Please take a seat in the....mmm...trash can please (a man in his twenties comes in with over sized pants and shoes a sleeveless shirt and his arms were covered in tattoos)**

**okay what's your name?**

Benito Ramirez Huerta

**Latin american?**

Yes, is that a problem esse?

**Oh no of course not Mr. Ramirez, I'm too a Latin american**

you're a homie mang? That's cool

**yeah I guess, okay that's all wait outside to the weather test please**

okay homes

**next! ( a man in a yellow jumpsuit exposing his entire torso and in the back his gluteal cleft, long pink hair, a police hat and scary clown makeup, storm into the bathroom)**

**what's your-**

WOOH, K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K YEAH, NAME'S DOCTOR ROCKZO THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN, I DO COCAINE!

**You do what?!**

I DO COCAINE!

**Oh okay, eh why you want to be the weather man?**

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE MONEY TO BUY COCAINE BABY!

**Oh okay I guess that's a good reason, wait out side with the others**

I DO CO-

**yeah I know! Next!**

_After a long day just three were selected_

_in my office (the real one not the bathroom)_

**alright guys I hope you already cleaned my office we need to*pfft*(spills my coffee again) what the hell?! Again!? (Takuya and Zoe were making out again, this time in the sofa)**

Zoe gasp (she cover herself with a big pilow)

Takuya: hey man! Your parents didn't teach you to knock the door first?!

**Yes they did but why should I knock the door of MY office!? Besides you should be already cleaned it**

Takuya: and we did it but we got bored and I kiss Zoe, then she kiss me then-

**okay is enough! I don't want to know the entire story, get dressed and come to the studio now!**

_In the studio, in front of the green screen were the weather is showed _

**alright guys those are the candidates to weather man**

**first things first, I know they're weird but as long they'll do the job it doesn't matter**

**and second we're gonna vote who will be that weather man **

**now the first candidate is: Mr. Roboto**

Takuya: wait where's the gansta guy?

**Immigration came for him a while ago, okay guys what do you think about Mr. Roboto, it's a robot, he was made Japan to be a weather machine there, he knows a lot about weather, what do you think.**

Mr. Roboto: hi-everyone-I-am-pleased-to-meet-you

Takuya: what else you can do besides tell the weather?

Mr. Roboto: I-can-make-ice-cream

everybody: oh that's cool, I want chocolate! Vanilla! Strawberry! Coffee! Melon!

Mr. Roboto: too-much-orders-at-the-same-time-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a*boom*(Mr. Roboto's head exploded)

**oh crap, well domo arigato Mr. Roboto**

**the next one is , he's a rock n' roll clown, he does cocaine, that's all I know**

: WOOH, K-K-K-K-K-K-K-YEAH! I'M THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN, I DO COCAINE! K-K-K-K YEA-YEAH!

Kouji: what you can do besides do cocaine?

Dr. Rockzo: DO YOU LIKE MUSIC?

Kouji: well yeah!

: DR. ROCKZO IS GONNA MAKE YOU A BALLOON BABY! (he begin to make a balloon like guitar)

Dr. Rockzo: TRY IT OUT! WAIT A MINUTE I THINK SOMEONE'S OUTTA TUNE! (he twists a "knob" on the "guitar")

Dr. Rockzo: JUST A LITTLE MORE (the "knob" part of the balloon pops on Kouji's head)

Dr. Rockzo: YOU POPPED A STRING! HA-HO!, I DO CO- (he chokes as Kouji shoves the long part of the balloon down his throat)

**okay that's enough we can't get a junkie in the studio, security! take that idiot out here! And kick his ass, medium style**

Takuya: hey let me go dude!

**Not that idiot! The other one with the make up!**

**Now the next one is...where's the other guy?**

Zoe: you said we can't have junkies in the studio so I think he leave

**fu*beep* well there's no other person available**

Kouji: I can do it!

**But you're already a field reporter**

Kouji: I don't like to be that anymore, I always get my butt kicked

**okay you'll be the weather man**

**now let's start with the news already!**

**Welcome to DFN news with**

**Takuya Kanbara**

**Zoe Orimoto**

**Kouji Minamoto Weather**

**Junpei Shibayama - sports**

**Kouichi Kimura – spectacles**

**Tommy himi – field reporter (in hospital with an iron lung)**

Takuya: hello the news tod-

Zoe: important news! A flamer best know as bloodbathsucks, flame stories with no apparent reason or motive and cursing the fan fiction website with stupid commentaries.

Takuya: what a douchebag, Kouji what can you tell us about the weather?

Kouji: well there is a lot rivers of shit all across the country, apparently the source of this is the mouth of bloodbathsucks, every time that kid speaks lots of shit came out from his mouth. What a horrible taste

Kouichi: in the spectacles, we investigate the past of bloodbathsucks, apparently he was raped by his parents this is a photo of his anus before that "o" and now it looks like this "( )" that's all

J.P.: the new sport of the world "beat a flamer" it's good for your health and it makes patriotism

**that's all for today don't ask about Dr. Rockzo, look at him in youtube there's a lot of videos**

**by the way, bloodbathsucks what kind of crappy mom joke is that?! You can do better than that**

**I'm gonna dedicate some for you and your mom, Takuya you go first**

Takuya: Yo mom's so ugly I heard, that your dad first met her at the pound.

Zoe: Yo mom's like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

Kouji: Yo mom's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Kouichi: Yo mom's like Denny's... open 24 hours.

J.P.: Yo mom's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.

Tommy: Yo mom's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

**Yo mom's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans. By the way I'm Mexican, la proxima vez te cargara la verga pendejo! (try to find out what this means)**

**that's all for today my dear readers, see you on sunday, later review my friends and review my enemies that will give me reviews! ^_^ and I'm about ten minutes to go the beach so I don't have time to reply until sunday  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: hello readers it's about time I update something isn't it?**

**Random voice: yeah imbecile, it's about time!**

**Who said that!? ¬ ¬ it must be the voices of my head.**

**Okay I said the past episode that only that episode will be rated M but I just can't resist it and the story will be rated M from now on, lets face it we're not babies anymore even six year old kids call you douchebag without knowing what a douche is! Etc.**

**disclaimer: I don't own Digimon I don't own nothing not even the computer I'm using now! and remember *bzzzt* stands for a taser in use, mostly on Takuya or Kouji ^_^**

**hey guys come over here for a minute (everybody gathers around me) okay guys, look at the reviews**

Kouji: hm is that flamer again.

Takuya: yeah but he looks pissed about what we said about him the past chapter, haha, he said you used him for your own personal gain Jester!

**Hahahaha yes, I used you kid, I manipulate you like a puppet! I'm a puppeteer and I pulled my strings! I'm the master of the puppets! enough with you, I just apologize to your mom (if you have one) nah, she deserved it too for having a horrible spoiled brat! And yes I know you're not a kid, you are a baby cuz you crap your pants in anger! Anyway I don't care what you say or think so just give me your review or insults or whatever "for my own personal selfish gain" please.**

**In a related note a guy named "Big" claim he has a big cock, no one asked him he just got to the conclusion we want to know "specially the girls"**

Zoe: WTF?! Why we should want to know that? You're desperate or something go get laid!

Takuya: yeah...like us (Zoe's face turns more red than the blood) let's go to our place (both leave with incredible haste)

**I wonder what that place is, anyway dude I'm not mad at you but you shouldn't post stupid comments, if you have a big cock why are you wasting your time here!? Go get some girls or boys or whatever you like, I'm just sayin', have a nice day ^_^**

Takuya: hey Jester why your office is locked? (holding Zoe's hand)

**¬ ¬ I'm gonna answer your question with another one, why you want to enter to my office?**

Takuya: ep...eh...heh heh heh...see ya!

**Teenagers and their hormones these days**

**now lets start this thing **

**Welcome to DFN....damn! I lost the song!**

Takuya: again!?

**I'm afraid that you're have to sing something again**

Takuya: damn, okay I'm going to sing the Doom Song. doom doom doo doom doom, doom doom do DOOM, doomy doomy doomy doom, doom doooooooooooom!

**Okay...o_O**

**Welcome to another edition of Digimon Frontier News with:**

**Zoe Orimoto**

**Takuya Kanbara**

**Kouji Minamoto the weather**

**Kouichi Kimura, spectacles**

**Junpei "J.P." Shibayama, sports**

**and Tommy Himi our field reporter**

Takuya: good da-

**and now a message from our sponsors !**

Takuya: what sponsors!?

**Shut up this is important!**

Takuya: but I was*bzzzt*ouch okay, okay I*bzzzt*aaahh!

**I said shut up! It's starting**

_**How many times you make a story, much people read and like it, others do constructive critics but bam! A flamer appears and say crap about you, your story and other things without sense? 1? 2? hundreds? It doesn't matter really, what matters is someone is an idiot, a noob or n00b and is talking crap about you and your friends! Well we have the solution to this, with our "FYF tool"**_

_**you probably wondering "what FYF mean?" FYF stands for "Fuck You Flamer" and yes it will fuck a flamer literally until he or she desist of flaming you or other people.**_

_**Random voice of kids: How it works?**_

_**It's easy when you check on your reviews and see the flamer, select it with the right button of you mouse and select the option of FYF, it will automatically track down the IP of that user and spawn various lighting tentacles who will restrain the flamer on his/her computer and and another tentacle will tear apart the pants or whatever clothing he/she is wearing, and get inside the anus over and over again until he/she learns the lesson.**_

_**Random kid: Whoa! **_

_**Remember, if a flamer is fucking with you, you will fuck him/her with FYF tool! **_

_**Warnign:theuseofthistoolcancausemassivedamagetotheanusandcanrapeotherpeoplenotrelatedtotheflamerorfanfictionusewithcaution**_

**okay you can continue now**

Takuya: thank you

**I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Zoe, you can continue Zoe**

Zoe: Thanks, good day ladies and gentlemen tod-

Takuya: wait wait wait wait, I'm supposed to speak first I'm sup*pzzzt*oh goddammit! Stop that!

**It's gonna stop the day you learn to stay silent**

Takuya:.....

**good**

Zoe: good day ladies and gentlemen welcome to Digiom Frontier News!, the new race of flying pigs result in enormous amounts crap all over the world, scientist say that the pigs are more like birds now than pigs but the size of the crap of a pig is 50 times more than normal birds, the good news is the car washes of all the world have more work than before.

Takuya: in other news, a strange cloud has been traveling all over the country and the rain is causing to...raising the dead? What the fuck? Is this real?

**I don't know I send Tommy to check up on that but he hasn't arrive to the affected areas yet**

Zoe: you send him to an area infested with Zombies!?

**Don't worry I gave him a gun he'll be fine**

Kouji: do you at least teach him how to use one?

**O_O oops! Well I gave him a chainsaw too those are pretty easy to handle**

Zoe: hope you're right, well the weather with Kouji Minamoto

Kouji: about time idiots! I'm was standing here for a*pzzzt* ouch! What now!?*pzzzt* gah! Fuck!*pzzzt* aaaahhhhh!

**Just say the weather and I'll stop tazing you, deal?**

Kouji: deal...in the weather...ouch stills hurts...the strange cloud that we call it the "zombie cloud" is getting near to our city and....WHAT!? The cloud is here!? Get ready to die!

**Calm down dude we're not sure if the zombie thing is real**

Kouji: okay but I'll be on alert...just in case

**yeah yeah whatever, sports with J.P.**

J.P.: Hello people! Welcome to the sports! I have terrible news to the people who likes "beat a flamer"

the favorite flamer to beat, bloodbathsucks, is resting until his anus return to a more normal shape since is too big now! the people who attempt to kick his ass were swallowed by his anus and lost a leg, the good news are the yo' momma jokes are getting better every day and yes is a sport now! That's all for the sports today.

Zoe: looks like Tommy got to the place, tell us Tommy how are the things there?

**The video turns on and Tommy is there, behind him is a lot of people fighting with zombies**

Tommy: hello Zoe, Takuya, the things are fine here, oh well just some zombies who are eating a lot of people but out of that the city looks fine

Takuya: where are you Tommy? I think I recognize that place.

Tommy: oh is behind the studio I was in the bathroom so that's why I was late with the info

Zoe: what?! That's behind the studio!? We're in danger!

**What!? I told you like half an hour to go investigate and you were in the bathroom!? Do you have diarrhea or something?**

Zoe: that's not the point Jester there are zombies near! Tommy get back here!

Tommy: right away!

**And take the weapons with you! And now the spectacles with Kouichi Kimura!....**

**Kouichi where the hell are you!? (the main door open and a very stinky and dirty man enters)**

man: AAAAUUUURRRRGGG, HUNGRY!

Takuya: aaaahhh! A zombie! (trows a bucket at him and hit him in the head)

man: AAAAUUUURRRRGGG

Kouji: die zombie! (hits him repeatedly with a broom)

men: ouch, ouch, ouch stop stupid emo!

Zoe: Kouichi!? You're a zombie!?

Kouichi: zombie? No! What the hell is going on here?

**If you're not a zombie why you smell like shit and came yelling "hungry", huh?**

Kouichi: it's a horrible day to me, first when I wake up I discover that the food is all eaten or rotten, thanks to Kouji! Second my smell is because a stupid flying pig decided it was a good a idea to make it's shit on me and last a guy tried to bite me a moment ago!I'm hungry!

Takuya: that's explains everything

Tommy: Guys! We need to close the doors and windows, the zombies are getting in here!

**What!? Everybody to my office now!...close the door**

Zoe: what are we going to do!? We're trapped here

**don't worry Zoe, I got a plan (press a button under the desk and a lot of weapons and ammo came out from the wall) grab whatever you like but this is mine.**

Tommy: what is that?

**This...is my boomstick! **

Everybody: whoa!

Takuya: it's just a shotgun*pzzzt* ouch what did I say this time?

**is my boomstick it's not just a shotgun!**

Takuya: weirdo...

Tommy: I'll take this chainsaw!

Kouji: Thompson's mine!

Kouichi: awww I wanted that

**don't worry dude, take this M60 just watch when you reload**

Kouichi: thanks man!

Zoe: I like that pair of Uzis

Takuya: that's not fair everybody take the good stuff, I only have this stupid 9mm and a block attached to a 2 meters chain.

**That's the most powerful hand-to -hand weapon of all Takuya**

Takuya: really?

**Yes if you swing it right you can crack a skull or even decapitate 5 zombies in a row**

Takuya: okay that sounds too incredible to be truth

**do as you please then **

AAAAUUUURRRGGGG (the zombies entered to the office)

**c'mon guys lets kill some maggot sacks!**

Everybody: yeah!

**Ladies and gentlemen we're being outnumbered by zombies...I...I don't know if we're gonna make it...until next time folks! (the window crahsed) gah! Get of me you piece of shit!**

**Dun dun duuunnn**

**the DFN crew is gonna make it? The answer is below! ^_^**

**yes, we were saved by the military just in time, we only have one wounded person, is Kouji but he wasn't bitten Takuya swung the block in the wrong direction and hit the back of Kouji's head after that the soldiers take us to a chopper and we fly away and a nuke destroy the city.**

**Until next time folks, don't forget to review or say stupid things or share an idea (only in this story you can say whatever you want not related to the story like my cock is big)**

**so see ya later friends, have a nice day (I know this wasn't as funny as the last time but I promise I'll be back with funny stuff...later I just need motivation! and the reason why "the scavengers" isn't being updated is because the write's block I got some ideas maybe next week I'll update that)  
**


	4. the long trip to find a home pt 1

**A/N: hello, hola, salut, hallo, dear readers and welcome to he-*ehem* to another chapter of DFN news, but first I'm gonna say something to all flamers in general, even to the flamers I don't know etc. **

**dear flamers, we don't care what the hell you say about our stories, we'll keep writing no matter what you say, perhaps you do this because it makes you feel good which it's pathetic, can't you realize that the only thing you're doing is giving us another review?, even it's a lot of shit it's still a review, I tell you this flamers, you're a bunch of worthless human beings and the worthless people should die, believe me If know where you live I'll kill you with my own hands no matter if you live in another country, now there are some people like ****-****lanski12andKyosukenanbusuck** **-**

**I respect your opinion but I don't share it, if you don't like their stories well, we sorry for that, but we can't make everyone happy and besides; why you don't tell them that in their stories? Last time I checked the reviews you haven't say nothing in their stories, the fact that you make compliments to us in other stories it's only an excuse cuz your real objective it's to say bad things about them, please don't be a coward and say the things straight! **

**and our recently flamer, R Kelly! You really want to piss on us, huh? Well, well, well what can I say to you than I really want to SHIT on you, tell ya kid you better change your name cuz the real R. Kelly won't be happy to see an idiot use his name, but in case you're the real one well I got a question for you, how many people you bought in your child pornography trial? PEDOPHILE!**

**But please flamers and stupid people (flamers too fall in that category) don't let my words discourage you to say shit about me, I'm very entertained when I read a new asshole write stupid and nonsensical things, I'll tell you this in advance to your review (if you review) fuck you, I hope your parents come and rape you until their fluids cover all your body and left you paralytic and you'll beg for more, and have a nice day ^_^**

**Now enough bullshit lets begin this thing**

**disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, or everything**

**chapter 4: the long long long long long trip to find a home pt 1  
**

**last chapter we were attacked by crazy zombies and the army (of an unknown country) saved us but blowup the goddamn studio! Now we don't have a home, neither studio so we're living in an RV (recreational vehicle in case you don't know) also we're looking for a new place to film and live if that possible cuz it's a bit tight here I mean seven people in a RV!**

Takuya: nine actually

**nine? Where's the other two?**

Takuya: J.P., he's like three people in one!

J.P.: hey that hurts, scrawny!

Takuya: Fat ass!

**Enough! J.P.! get your fat ass over here for a minute**

J.P.:I'm big bo-

**yeah big boned! We've heard that before but your belly doesn't have any bones and it's huge!**

J.P.:.....

**good, now lay over there I need somewhere to stand up and reach the map**

J.P.: what!? Are you going to use me as a bench? Why not Takuya or the others?

**Because I would need to pile them up and that would be gay, besides Takuya already say it, you're like three people in one**

J.P.: okay, but you better pay me the double for this

**sure ^_^ (yeah right...) *J.P. Lays down***

J.P.: ouch, uff *put a foot on his groin* wooooonnndddddaaaaa...

**oops sorry for that, ah here is it**

**let's see, we are here and...we need to go there but...I knew we need to turn to the left in Albuquerque*sigh* I think we're lost**

Zoe: lost!? How lost? I though you know where we're heading?

**Sorry, we need to rest anyway I'm a bit tired**

Zoe: you mean high *glares at me*

**whatever *rolls eyes* I'm gonna sleep now *takes a last hit of the joint* night **

_later that night_

*squeak squeak squeak*

**(what the hell?)**

*squeak squeak squeak*

Zoe: oh Takuya you're so naughty *chuckle*

Takuya: oh Zoe your so hot!

***ehem* am I interrupting something?**

Takuya: whoa men! Don't spy on us you pervert! *Zoe covers with the sheets*

**pervert? I'm not the one who's making a lot of nasty noises in the night, get a room or something but preferably NOT HERE!**

Takuya: we're in a room!

**No! its a berth! And I'm sleeping the below you!*sigh* you don't leave me any choice Kanbara you're gonna sleep out of the RV, alone!**

Takuya: what? That's not fair *grabs him by his hair* ouch wait!

***open the door* sorry friend but you need to control your hormones, by the way you know what else is hot?**

Takuya: what?

**My foot in you ass! *kicks him on the ass***

Takuya: ouch *falls outside the RV*

***close the door* well that's a problem solved and you lady you better control yourself too, or I'll lock you in the bathroom *Zoe nodded in agreement* good now everyone get to sleep**

_5 minutes later_

*knock knock knock*

Takuya: please let me in Jester! It's cold here and I'm naked!

***open a window and throws a pillow, a sheet and some clothes* good night! *close window***

_in the morning_

***yawn* what a good dream I had**

Tommy: what do you dream about?

**I was killing an old enemy from the school, again and again and again ^_^**

Tommy: O_O

Kouji: my dreams are always with the darkness of my soul....

Kouichi: typical of you bro, but my dream was the best I ever had, I was Wolverine! And I was kicking the ass of Kouji who was Victor Creed!(sabrethooth) the battle was so exciting until Tommy shows up an ruined it all! I hate you! I don't want to see you again, *screams like a maniac and enter the bathroom*

Zoe: *gasp* you pervert!

Kouichi: get out of here I need to be alone! *kicks Zoe out of the bathroom*

Tommy: it's not my fault I was in his dream...weird boy

Zoe: ouch! My butt!

***ahem*Zoe I guess you need this *handed her a towel***

Zoe: *gasp* t-t-thank you *her face turns red*

**get dressed girl, I'm gonna check up on your boy**

***open the door* Takuya? Where are you dude?**

Takuya: I'm here *came out from under the RV* it was horrible man

**came in we're going now *both enters the RV***

Tommy: good morning Takuya how do you sleep?

Takuya: sleep!? I couldn't sleep all the night! There were creatures outside, coyotes, wolves, insects!

Zoe: oh poor baby!*hugs Takuya*

**well that teach you to control yourself**

Zoe: meanie!

**What? He had it coming**

Zoe: *sticks tongue out* come baby I'll take you to the bed

**just don't do anything funny or else!**

Takuya: ok, I promise, just don't do that again

**hey J.P.! You're too silent today, something wrong?**

J.P.: I had the worst nightmare of all my life O_O

Tommy: it couldn't be that bad, what was about?

J.P: I was wearing black leotard, tights, ballet shoes and was dancing that song, "she's a maniac! maniac on the floor!"

**O_O okay that's something I would prefer not hear**

J.P.: but there is more! When I was dancing Kouji appeared a few steps away from me!

Kouji: am I scary?

J.P.: you were wearing a blond wig and a pink gown singing the barbie girl song!

**Hahahaha then what happened?**

J.P.: then we begin dancing again and....

Kouji: what!? What!?

J.P: we kiss for various minutes

everyone: WWWWWWWWHAT?!

Kouji: I think I'm gonna puke

Tommy: me too

Kouichi (from inside the bathroom): haha J.P. Is gay!

**Okay J.P. That was weird and not weird in the good sense, you should get a girlfirend or something or be in company of more womens I don't know, but stay away from Kouji for a while he might kill you.**

J.P.: the only problem is....I-I-I liked it!

Everyone: O_O;

**I'll better start the engine and try to find a house (with the money of the insurance I can buy a big house ^_^)**

Zoe: are you going to smoke a joint again?

**Yeah, want some?**

Zoe: sure

Takuya: I want some too

**you were not sleep?**

Takuya: I was but I want a joint too

**here takes this**

_45 minutes 36 seconds later..._

**...and I told him, "Takuya, bad things doesn't happen to you because you have bad luck...it's because your a dumbass!"**

Everyone: *laughing like maniacs*

Takuya: totally true hahahaha

Zoe: hahaaa.....wait a minute where the hell are we?

**I don't know let's ask to someone in that spooky castle, crossing that dangerous and old bridge next to that black forest filled with odd creatures.**

Zoe: okay ^_^

driving by the forest we noticed a sign in the bridge that says "warning: flying pigs can be near the bridge, drive with caution" however I pay little attention to it and indeed a flying pig crashed into the RV

Kouji: oh shit what the hell was that!?

flying pig: oink! UUUUUUOOOOOIIIIINK!

Kouichi (inside the bathroom): what the hell is going on? Some people is the bathroom ya know?

**Get that pig outta here! I can't drive with that thing on my sight!**

Takuya: get the fuck off pig!

Zoe: watch out Jester we're gonna crash!

**What?*crash***

**We fall from the 200 feet height bridge and crash on the rocks , we're alive, with luck and time I'll continue with this story tomorrow and the scavengers too (finally)but right now I need to go with some friends to kick some asses and drink vodka or other things, thanks to -blackandblood-TobiGB-lanski12-dont'chaknowme4life-Ambiekinz-heartbreaker19-and the flamers your reviews make me happy( did I forgot someone?)**

**by the way I don't know if you notice but I got another story "dark truth" I have a lot of traffic but just one review (thank you blackandblood ^_^ you rock) the thing is I know it's not a Takumi story but it's related to one "the smile that lurks in the dark" remember?**

…**.......**

…**.......**

**anyway can you please read it?(not necessary review it) Cuz the second part comes this month "october" and maybe you'll not understand it at all if you don't read it, the same goes if you haven't read the first part (I know I have some crappy writing skills but I can't help it right now)**

**thank you, see ya later  
**


	5. the long trip to find a home pt 2

**A/N: hello folks, how are you today? good I hope, I wake up in a police station and pass the last 24 hours there so that's why I couldn't update earlier as I said I'll do it, don't ask, thanks for the reviews guys ^_^ and in case you're wondering Zoe and Takuya are still virgins (I think) they just enjoy to be naked and touching each other, now where I leave those joints?**

**Disclaimer: don't own digimon or anything just whatever comes from my mind**

**chapter 5: the long long long long long long long long long long long trip to find a home pt 2**

**whoa! What the hell happened?**

Creepy voice: calm down young man, you had an accident

**gah! Fuck who are you? (the person is fuck ugly, one big right eye , a big nose like a parrot and a smile like a crazy person)**

my name is Eye-gor, and that's the normal reaction I get from the people hahaha

Zoe: he saved us Jester, he's such a nice person

Eye-gor: thanks my lady, it was my duty as a good Samaritan

**oh, thank you Eye-gor, by the way nice hump**

Eye-gor: what hump?

**O_O; uh nothing forget it**

Eye-gor: well, now if you please follow me to the dinner table I have prepared a succulent dinner for all of you, walk this way *he walks limping*

**okay we'll try *follows him limping***

we arrive to a big room with big windows, with a big table with big chairs and a big woman with big b-well everything was big there

eye-gor: she's my sister, Alotta Fagina

Alotta Fagina: Alotta Fagina at your service

Zoe: O_O excuse me what's your name again?

Eye-gor: *rolls eye, yes just one* Alotta Fagina, now take a seat please

Takuya: hey Z sit down close to me!

Zoe: of course Taky!

**Hey guys is everybody okay? Somebody hurt?**

Kouji: yes we're okay, I wish I had died.....

Tommy: well Kouichi it's a bit bruised he was bouncing in the bathroom when we were falling

Kouichi: yeah, there's no sit belts in the bathroom, just when I think I'll never be covered in shit again the bathroom cracked and-

J.P:dude we're eating! We don't need to hear that!

**I can imagine what happened -_- disgusting, mister Eye-gor are you the master of this castle?**

Eye-gor: oh no, I'm just a servant, my master should be here in any minute

suddenly a explosion cam from a door leaving some black smoke and a dark figure came from it it was a tall man, bloodshot eyes, pale skin, white hair and a red robe, it was an old man, very very very very very very very old man

Eye-gor: oh master, you're here, listen everybody he's my master Lord Dra...Dranzel yes Lord Dranzel

Lord Dranzel: thank you Eye-gor, Alotta Fagina can you please bring us some wine! We haven't visitors in a long time

Alotta Fagina: yes master!

Lord Dranzel: anyone want some bloody-cookies with your wine?

**I want some please *whisper* guys don't be disrespectful and take some**

Kouji: yeah whatever I'll take some

J.P: me too! ^_^

Takuya: just don't eat them all fat ass!

J.P: I'm not fat! *slams the table* ouch I think I cut with a splinter!

Lord Dranzel: really? Let me see *takes J.P.'s hand* oh looks bad, ñam ñam *damping his lips with his tongue* J.P. Let me take you to the kitchen I have some bandages there

J.P.: oh thank you Lord Dranzel you're too kind *both leaves the dinning table*

**did you look the strange face he do when look the blood driping from J.P.'s hand?**

Kouichi: yeah it looks like he was...tasting it

Takuya: indeed a weird face, I don't know we should accompany to the kitchen

Alotta Fagina: wine is here!

Takuya: oh well it's probably our imagination lets have a drink shall we?

Everybody: right

J.P. And Lord Dranzel return a moment later

**J.P. Are you okay?**

J.P.: yes I'm okay, Lord Dranzel bandaged my hand *he said in a monotonous way*

Kouji: hey fat ass, why are you using a scarf? It's like 32°c

J.P: I just have some cold that's all

Takuya to Zoe: he doesn't complain for calling him fat ass

Zoe: how strange, normally he rants every time someone calls him fat

**guys we need a meeting, drop your forks pass the voice but to J.P.**

Zoe: ok

**Oops I drop my fork!**

Takuya: me too!

Zoe: oops!

Kouji: damn I too drop it

Kouichi: me too

Tommy: me too ^_^

_under the table_

**okay guys I think we're in trouble**

Tommy: how? I don't see any danger here

**since J.P. Returned from the kitchen he's like a zombie or something, he don't react to the fat ass insult**

Kouichi: maybe he has overcome it?

**Maybe yes, maybe not but we better be careful, I don't trust that Lord Dranzel if that his real name, neither his servant Eye-gor who creeps me out and that hot lady Alotta Fagina, questions?**

Kouji: yes, what about J.P.?

**Don't know I'm sure he'll be okay as soon as we get out here, now lets get back before we look suspicious *we grab the forks and return to the table***

Takuya: forks found!

Lord Dranzel: you must be tired young people, may I offer you to pass the night here in my humble castle? I have plenty of rooms

Zoe: thanks Lord Dranzel but we *feeling drowsy*...I think we'll take your offer

Lord Dranzel: good, good, Eye-gor will prepare your beds, have a good night I must go now I must attend some business

everybody: night

_later that night_

Takuya:(now it's the time, nobody is gonna see me now hehehe)

Kouji: going somewhere, my horny friend?

Takuya: Kouji! What are you doing out of your room at this late hour?

Kouji: I can ask the same question Kanbara

Takuya: hehe, well you'll see hehe....

Kouji: I know, you're going to Zoe's room how predictable, Jester told me about it also he asked me to give you this *shows him a little box*

Takuya: condoms! Dude I'm not going to have sex just to kiss her and well...be with her

Kouji: suit yourself then, but take them anyway

Takuya: okay...I guess*enters Zoe room*

Kouji:*sigh* why I'm with these guys?*yawn* I better get back to my bed

_Kouji...._

Kouji: huh? Someone talk to me?

_Kouji come to me...._

Kouji: yes....

Lord Dranzel: Kouji, close your eyes, you're feeling sleepy

Kouji: zzzzzzzzz...

Lord Dranzel: wait! Don't sleep just yet!*Kouji wakes up* now your eyelids are heavy your feeling drowsy

Kouji: zzzzzzzzz...

Lord Dranzel: chyot! Forget about sleeping and listen to me!*wakes up again* I'll give you the power to consume the lives, of insects, rats and other tiny life forms but you must obey my commands...you will bring me that blond lady, but tomorrow at night when she's alone...now go to sleep Kouji, go to sleep

Kouji: yes master...

_in the morning, we have our breakfast in the gardens of the castle_

**so how was your sleep? Everything good? I have a wonderful sleep I must say**

Takuya: our-I mean my sleep was wonderful no trouble at all

Zoe: yeah me too ^_^

**I see...how about you Kouji do you have a good sleep?**

Kouji: yeah the most wonderful sleep in my entire life!

**O_O I was expecting some emo answer but okay good for you then ^_^ lets eat**

Zoe: I didn't notice anything strange during the night som-*Kouji grabs an insect form the table and eat it*what was that?

Kouji: huh?

Zoe: you just grab something from the table

Kouji: I did not

Zoe: yes you did I saw you! I think it was an insect!

Kouji: *thinks in an alibis* oh it was a raspberry

Kouichi: raspberry? There's no raspberry here

Kouji: then it must be a raisin, it fall from this muffin here, you see?

Zoe: oh okay *laugh* how silly, it must be our imagina-*Koujisees a spider coming towards him, and he quickly eats it up*there! You did it again!

Kouji: huh?

Zoe: you just put a bug in your mouth, I think it was a spider!

Kouji: I did not

Zoe: yes you did

Kouji: I did not

Takuya: yes you did I saw you too!

Kouji: I did not

Zoe: I tell you I saw you snatch a spider right in the air and put it in you mouth

Kouji: a spider?*swallows the spider in his mouth* how absurd!

**Yeah that's absurd! Kouji eating insects pff you people must be hallucinating**

Kouji:*spots a grasshopper coming his way and drops his fork intentionally* oops I'll look for it*he scrambles under the table*

**Kouji! What are you doing? Get out of there immediately**

Kouji: hah! I got it!*comes back up*sorry for the delay *the grasshopper's leg is sticking out of Kouji's mouth, and wiggling about. Kouji looks at everybody, confused *

Zoe: my God! You're eating insects right form the ground!

Kouji: what makes you say that?

Zoe: I can see one trying to get out of your mouth!

Kouji: out of my mouth?

Kouichi: yes bro! Your mouth and it's wiggling about!

Kouji: pff, don't be ridiculous, wiggling!

Zoe: We're not ridiculous at all! It's wiggling all over the place! Poor thing is fighting for its life!

Kouji:*Kouji eyes the grasshopper's leg, and quickly scoops it up* I don't know what you're talking about. If you insist on saying nonsense things like this, I'm going to leave!

Zoe: we're not saying nonsense! You're the one who's making weird things!

Kouji:*spots a fly*hello, little darling*grabs the air in attempt to catch the fly*Don't be afraid!

**Looks like he's cracking, we better do something**

Kouji:*begin laughing in a strange tone* I won't hurt you! All I want is your LIIIIIIIFE!

**Kouichi, help control your brother!*grabs Kouji and make a lock to immobilize him* quickly put him a tranquilizing shot! On my pocket!**

Kouji: let me go! Let me go! Let me*put him the shot*ggooooooo-zzzzzzzzzz*fell sleep*

Tommy: okay that was weird! And I believe you were the crazy one Kouichi

Kouichi: ha-ha-ha very funny Tommy

Eye-gor: it's everything okay?

Takuya: AAAHHHHH! Don't scare us like that -gor

Eye-gor: oh it wasn't my intention, may I ask why is your friend in the ground with a needle on his butt?

**He just lost control of his mind, he must be still tired for the trip and the fall hehe**

Eye-gor: oh I see

**where's Lord Dranzel? I haven't see him in all day**

Eye-gor: heh well you see...

Alotta Fagina: he's sleep, it's too old so must of the time he remain in his chambers

**oh I see that's understandable, we will see him today?**

Eye-gor: oh be sure you'll see him tonight! To all of you hahahahaha!

Alotta Fagina:*nervously chuckling* oh brother always making jokes, if you need something don't be afraid to ask us, see ya guys

_in the night_

**you okay Kouji?**

Kouji: yeah I don't know what's get into me

Kouichi: you better behave yourself bro, we don't want to be embarrassed by you

Kouji: and you're telling me not to embarrass you after all the times you had embarrassed me!?

Kouichi: I've never embarrassed you!

Kouji: what!? What about the time you run naked in the street yelling I'M THE HOTNESS! **(yeah I ****take that from Amiekinz's story "Frontier funniest moments" since all the chapters got deleted I just wanna remember those good old days ^_^ if you don't like it Ambie I will quit this conversation, you will need to PM me or review with your account, anonymous reviews are untrustworthy )**

Kouichi: well I was ah...very happy that day! So I get naked to celebrate

Kouji: yeah but the police didn't see it that way an-

**hey guys calm down here comes Lord Dranzel**

Lord Dranzel: good night friends, how are you feeling tonight? J.P. You're okay now?

J.P.: yes Mas-yes Lord Dranzel

Lord Dranzel: good, good, I'll play some music*turn on some old big stereo*

Zoe: what a beautiful music!

Lord Dranz: may I have this dance my lady

Takuya: excuse me but she'll dance with me

Lord Dranzel:*waving a hand* you'll remain on your sit and finish you'll drink and dinner

Takuya: I'll remain on my seat and finish my dinner

Zoe: oh well, I'll be glad to dance with you

Lord Dranzel: perfect

**(both were dancing a tango style dance, Takuya was furiously watching Zoe dancing with the old man while J.P., Kouji and the servants of Lord Dranzel were staring at each other like waiting for something to happen, but I the Royal Court Jester see something unusual)**

**hey Takuya, pssst, Takuya, pssst**

Takuya: what!?

**Shh, look at the mirror, Dranzel has no reflection **

Takuya: what? How he do that?

**I'm afraid that Lord Dranzel's Nosferatu**

Takuya: He's Italian?

**No you idiot a vampire**

Takuya: A VAMPIRE!?

**HUSH Takuya!*Lord Dranzel turns his head towards us with angry eyes***

Lord Dranzel: so Takuya, you had discovered my true identity, your very wise to your young age **(WTF!? It was me who discovered him!)**

Takuya: Zoe step away from that old man!

Lord Dranzel: you're going nowhere my dear*cast a spell to sleep her* slaves kill them I'll be in my chambers*run away with Zoe in his arms*

Kouji, J.P., Eye-gor and Alotta Fagina: yes master!

Takuya: Zoe!

**What?! Kouji? J.P.? Hey wait dudes we're your friends! I order you to stop!**

Kouji: I only serve to the master

**but I am your master! Look at this contract you too J.P.**

_I Kouji/J.P. Sell my soul to my employer_

_Royal Court Jester_

_and I serve him forever until he decides to burn my contract_

_signed: Kouji/J.P._

Kouji: it doesn't say anything about being induced by a vampiric spell

**read between the lines!**

_Royal Court Jester_

_no matter if I'm induced (it supposed to be in tiny letters _!)  
_

_and I serve him forever until he decides to burm my contract_

_by a vampiric spell in case I disobey my contract I'll be turn gay and kiss his ass(tiny letters _!)  
_

Kouji:O_O I don't wanna be gay!*spell broken*

J.P.: I need to think about it

**just say no to Dranzel!**

J.P.: okay NO*spell broken*

**good now let's take out those guys!**

Kouichi: hello Alotta, I would prefer to take you to a bed than to kick your ass

Alotta Fagina: you're no match for me! Not even the bed!

Kouichi:*gasp* you'll pay for that! *charges at her*

Eye-gor: I'll kick your ass funny boy and then I-*pzzzt* gaahh*pzzzt*(falls to the ground unconscious)

**blah blah blah, If you gonna kill a man just do it! You're next hot lady**

Alotta Fagina: what?!*pzzzt* ahhh!*pzzzt*(falls too unconscious)

Kouichi: thanks for getting me that bitch off me!

**You're welcome, now let's get your woman Takuya! Takuya?**

_In Dranzel's chambers_

Takuya: I'll kick your ass old fag!

Lord Dranzel: just try it kid!

Takuya: hi-ya!*flying kick*

Lord Dranzel: fool!*grabs Takuya's leg and throw him to the wall*

Takuya: ouch!

**Takuya! Are you okay dude?**

Takuya: ouch my head!

Kouji: quickly guys open the windows the sunrise will begin soon!*open all the windows and the sunlight enter*

Lord Dranzel: gah! I'm burning! You bastards*transforms into a bat and fly to a column away from the sunlight* haaa,haaa, you'll never reach me here!

J.P.:*Somehow was under the vampiric spell again and opens a hole in the ceiling*master over here!

Lord Dranzel: gah!*get burned by the light and falls* Junpei you ASSHOLE!*explodes*

J.P.: oooohhhhhh....

Zoe:*wakes up* oh where am I? Takuya?

Takuya: Zoe! Are you okay?*hugs her*(awwwww)

Zoe: yes I'm okay, where's Lord Dranzel?

**Dead! For good I hope**

Kouji: I'm glad this stupid story end!

**End!? What are you talking about it's just a new beginning! This castle is masterless the price has going to the ground, we can live here and make a new studio!**

Kouji: you kidding right?

**No! the purpose for all this thing was to take over the castle for ourselves!**

Takuya: lets get going my love*takes Zoe in his arms*

Zoe: oh Taky*rest her head in his shoulder and both leave the room*

Tommy: well I'll get our recording things

**this will be the DFN CASTLE! Mwahahahahahhaha*crash a flying pig enters the room* YOU!?**

Flying pig: oink! UUUUUOOOOIIINK! *tackles me*

**gahh! You'll pay for this flying pig of hell!*falls the stairs***

Flying pig: oink, oink OINK!(we'll see about that ASSHOLE)

END

**A/N: yep we finally get a new home and what a home! A big freaking castle! I know it doesn't worth reading, but sorry that's life, and yes I was watching "dracula-dead and loving it!" while writing this thing and no I'm not gonna stop smoking, thanks for reading see ya! And if you see a flamer or get flames tell me! And I say shit about him/her the next chapter! ^_^**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: hello people! Are you prepared for another amazing (not) chapter of DFN? No? Well too late it's already here ^_^ by the way it's just me or there is no more flamers anymore I think I miss them...*sniff,sniff* oh well probably are being raped in some prison...**

…**that's what I thought until a couple of days ago! Yeah I thought that R Kelly was dead or something but no my dear readers and friends he don't flame me, he flame Kojilover04, I don't know but I believe he was a better person I mean...*sigh* you better read it:**

_**i read your profile and saw that you were only 13 so not only do i wanna ** on you but i wanna rape you, and force you to give me a ** and anal **_

**pretty fucking low isn't? I'm so disappointed with the humanity right now, you R Kelly had proved that you worth nothing, your life is less important than a fly eating shit from the ground do us a favor, fuck yourself and put a gun in your mouth and blow your brains out will ya? I don't think someone miss you anyway, bye ^_^ don't bother reviewing pedophile**

**disclaimer: I don't own DIGIMON or whatever you read here! Am I clear? Hope so**

**Welcome to another edition of Digimon Frontier News with:**

**Zoe Orimoto**

**Takuya Kanbara**

**Kouji Minamoto, the weather**

**Kouichi Kimura, spectacles**

**Junpei "J.P." Shibayama, sports**

**and Tommy Himi our field reporter**

**transmitting now from our brand new castle in the top of a mountain near a cliff, it has everything we need, beds, kitchen, ultra giant LED screen! All game consoles you can think of! And a Dungeon! Well continue now ^_^**

Zoe: good day, I'm Zoe Orimoto

Takuya: and I'm Takuya Kanbara....guess what people, Jester....FALL UP THE STAIRS!*burst out laughing*

**hey! You're not supposed to say that!**

Takuya: but you're so stupid! I mean, haha, you...Fall up the stairs! So hilarious

**at least I don't confuse the sink with the toilet!**

Takuya: how do you know about that!?

**I was in the bath idiot, by the way that thing you grabbed it wasn't soap**

Takuya: O_O; I think I'm gonna puke*runs to the bathroom*

Zoe: ugh...gross!

**just remember the sink is the tall one hahaha**, **I think you're alone Zoe**

Zoe: eh, well in other news the flamers are being more cowards than before, they like to threat young girls instead to mess with someone as their size, pussies I say! Wanna mess with someone!? Mess with me motherfuckers!

**Okay....the weath-**

Zoe: no I haven't finished! Listen to me motherfuckers! If you value your life you-_transmission interrupted*static noises*_

_we're experiencing technical difficulties , well be back in any minute, meanwhile you can see a message from our sponsors, please be patient we'll be back in any time:_

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_**son:ouch my eye**_

_**mom: ouch ouch ouch**_

_**dad: oofff my nuts!**_

_**daughter: sorry**_

_**see? Family FUN!**_

_**Order your own Zorb ball the ultimate ball now, just at $999.99!**_

_**you'll regret it! I mean you'll not regret it!**_

_**Warning:we'renotresponsibleforanysexualintercouseinsidethezorbballoranykindofaccident**_

_Thank you for your patience, we'll return to normal in 3...2...1...now_

Zoe: and if you keep this motherfuckers! You will feel my rage an-

_ehem! Sorry for that, another message form our sponsors_

_**do you want to experience the real EMO feeling!?**_

_**Play WEEMO for the Nintendo Wii!**_

_**An emo: it's fantastic! You can cut with the controller!*slit wrist* gah gah gah! I feel alive!**_

_**Try WEEMO it comes with your own razor and can be attached to the Wiimote to maximize the experience!**_

_**27 levels of pure emotional pain, all with different types of emo issues!**_

_**Your friends will turn emo when they play!**_

_**Casual guy: let me try that sissy game!*plays a little bit* I hate myself!*his clothes change to Emo clothes*I gonna cut myself!**_

_**Try WEEMO! Coming october 31 of 2012 with a backpack of jack skeleton it's just so EMO!**_

_**warning:royalcourtjesterconpanydoesn'tmakeresponsibleforanypeopledyingwhenplaying **_

_and now we return to DFN!_

**Huff! Glad that's over, are you okay Zoe?**

Zoe: mfffpp! Wwwffffmmmmm!

**Oops I forgot you are tied up and with a rag in your mouth ^_^**

**the weather with Kouji Minamoto**

Kouji: looks like that zombie cloud is finally gone, but now we have clouds of massive radiation and it gonna turn us into ghouls and other mutated thing! We need to build a shelter! We're doomed!

**Calm down Kouji, the castle is perfectly safe from the radiation**

Kouji: no you're going the first to die!

**Look what I got here Kouji*shows a spider, a black widow* do you want it?**

Kouji: it-it's still alive?*lick his lips*

**barely but if you want it you need to...CATCH IT!*throw it down stairs***

Kouji: wait for me little spider*jump to the stairs and stumble down, rolling and rolling the 40 stairs*

Kouichi: is he gonna be okay?

**He'll be fine, it's Kouji**

Kouji: lives, lives!

**See? it's okay, your turn J.P., Eye-gor bring me some coffee will ya?**

Eye-gor: yes master

J.P. And now in the sports w-

**hold on a sec! I drinking coffee...**

_let's all go to the lobby, let's go all to the lobby, let's go all to the loooobby to give ourselves a treat!_

_Delicious things to eat_

_the popcorn can't be beat_

_The sparkling drinks are just dandy  
The chocolate bars and the candy, ohhh_

_let's go all to the loooobby to give ourselves a treat_

_let's go aaaalllll to the loooooobbyyyyyyyy to give ourselves a treaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!_

J.P.: O_o was that necessary?

**Yes ^_^ but you can continue now...**

**J.P. Where are you fat ass!?**

Kouichi: I think he goes to the lobby can I do my job now?

**Of course for what I care, all the spectacle people are gossip womans or gay dudes*Kouichi glares at me***

Kouichi: I pretend I didn't hear that,*clears throat* in the spectacles some flamers including bloodbathsucks , R Kelly and others are being taken into a hospital for anal health issues, apparently a lot of people has been using the FYF tool, also the family of those flamers are having the same health condition, Royal Court Jester was interviewed for details of who's responsibility is going to fall this, he said this*puts video in a strip club or a table dance as we in Mexico calls them*

me: being responsible for the anus health of those basterds!? Hell no, I just give the people the power, how they use them it's not my problem now piss off you're ruining the moment!

Kouichi: That's all for the spectacles today

**you know, there's a lot of places where you could've ask me that, anyway where's Tommy?**

Zoe: he's playing xbox 360 in the led screen room

**oh, wait a minute, how the hell you escaped from the ties?**

Zoe: I'm very flexible ^_^

Takuya: in the bed too*grabs her by the butt*

Zoe: oh Takuya you nasty man!*kiss Takuya*

Takuya: let's go to you know where, honey

Zoe: all right*they go to somewhere so fast than a cheetah would look like a turtle*

**use protection guys! It feels better without it tough(forget I said that people)**

**Tommy are you there? Do you have your report?**

Tommy: can't report, playing videogames, see ya later

**you need to give something to the people**

Tommy: okay I'll talk about this game! This freaking game is AWESOME! There's a lot of guns, billions and zillions of guns! A lot of action, great humor and a great multiplayer experience

**what's the name of this game Tommy?**

Tommy: BORDERLANDS! You haven't played it, what the hell are you doing!? Now leave alone you're giving me bad luck

**well that's all for today people see ya ne-**

J.P.: hey I haven't say anything!

**Too late we're out of time**

J.P.: but

**hush! It's over, too late, finished, finito, se acabo! Now I'm going to my room I want to sleep a bit**

***open door and see Zoe and Takuya having sex(yes sex not making out)***

Zoe: yes yes yes yes yes

Takuya: gah! Your *beep* feel so good Zoe

Zoe: give me more!

**(for some reason I'm not surprised but I have a video camera ^_^, besides I can take another room)**

**A/N: all right people this chapter is over, hope you like it if not well too bad...for you yes I put a lot of advertisement promo (by the way I own the WEEMO but you can use it if you like) but that is a true news show, I was watching them actually they say a lot of stupid things, commercial and salutes to people that nobody knows, rather than show news, oh well I'll stop this super bad grammatical thing, see ya later (need to get back to work XD)**

**by the way, I have nothing agains't Emos just the posers who call themselves emos just to be with girls or kiss other emos kids(I know it's weird I didn't believe it until I saw it! and they call themselves not gay) well see ya  
**


	7. I think was the 8 chap doesn't matter

**A/N: vfwnqfevgrgo n g noj n bnb ncbc n cfvf jfii fevbbo qejovb bofboq bq**

**Zoe: stop banging your head on the keyboard!**

**Pbinpinw fnbfnkpvqn+f+nfqpv j jgw jogwj wji**

**Zoe: I said knock it off! Hey I'm in the authors notes ^_^**

**biefvivfhibbvwvbónóv oi´v n´iq´v nivnq bvubvq **

**Zoe: since J-...Jester doesn't want to stop his...weird...whatever I'll present you the new chapter of DFN enjoy people ^_^**

**,mvwvpiiwfwvo i fh ifwf  
**

**disclaimer: Jester doesn't own digimon or anything here not even the plot, there's no plot here anyway**

Takuya: where's Jester? it's almost time

Zoe: he fainted for bang his head on the keyboard it worries me, look all that blood coming from his forehead

Takuya: he'll be fine lets do a party!

Zoe: yeah party!

_15 minutes later...noisy music sound all over the castle, you know music of clubs and all those stuff_

JP.: how much people do you invite?

Takuya: just ten

Tommy: ten? Then why are like five hundred people in here!?

Takuya: how the hell I know!? Enjoy the party, have a drink take a girl to a room or something*takes a sip of vodka* suit yourself

_three hours later_

Kouichi: hello pretty girl wanna see something amazing?

Random girl: stupid pervert!*bitch slap and walks away*

Kouichi: ouch! Why was that?

_In another place Tommy and other friends of his age_

*playing xbox*

kid 1: hey Tommy who's the dead guy over there on the desk and the computer?

Tommy: it's just my boss leave him alone

Kid 2: it is okay you leave him there?

Tommy: yeah, he may be not dead so you better not touch him

Kid 1 and 2: okay*keep playing xbox*

_in a dark corner_, _a bunch of "emo" kids gather around Kouji_

emo 1: I'm more emo than you minamoto!

Kouji: …...

emo 1: …..

Kouji: …..

emo 1: gah! You monster freaking emo!*runs away in a girlish way*

emo 2: pfft pussy.....

Kouji: ….

emo 2: …..

Kouji: …..

emo 2: …...g....g...gah! You freaking emo!*run away also in a girlish way*

Kouji: no one is more emo than me....

strange voice: wanna bet emo kid?

Kouji: who dares to defy the emo boy!?

Strange: I Carmilla Von Emo!

Kouji: who are you a ghost?*she has no feet and is floating around*

Carmilla: yes I die in this stupid castle twenty years ago at the age of seventeen, I died alone, virgin and in a dark corner

Kouji: who cares.....

Carmilla: …...

Kouji: …....

Carmilla: …..

_one hour later_

Kouji: …...

Carmilla: …..

Kouji: …....

Carmilla: …..

_they began to kiss like maniacs almost swallowing each other and other things that it'll not be mention_

_meanwhile in the kitchen..._

J.P.: now that Jester is gone I can eat all his food*open refrigerator* what!? There's nothing here!

Zoe: what is it J.P?

J.P.: there's no food in here!

Zoe: what no food!?

J.P: NO!

Zoe: NO!

Takuya: NO!

J.P: AAHHHHHH!

Zoe: AAHHHHHH!

Takuya: AAHHHHHH, WHY ARE WE YELLING!?

Zoe: I don't know really

J.P: theres no food in the fridge....TT_TT

Takuya: food? In that refrigerator? Dude that's the booze refrigerator! That one is the food one* points to a refrigerator with chains and a gigantic lock and a note that says "stay away fat ass! Yeah you Junpei Shibayama! You have been warned chunk!"

J.P.: oh that one, by the way why the first one is empty anyway?

Takuya and Zoe: WHAT!? NO BOOZE!? NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_They constant and annoying yelling reach the office of Jester waking him up_

**why is this fucking annoying noise!!!? what the fuck is doing all this people in here!!!?**

_more swearing and rambling later..._

**and who the fuck is the one who writes in _Italian _letters_!?_**

_Oh shit he discovered me!_

**Where are you!? Where are you going!?...ah fuck it I don't care*walks to the kitchen were Takuya and Zoe are still yelling and J.P. Tries to open the fridge***

Takuya: NOOOO-*he's being muzzled by my hand*

**SHUT UP! Why the hell are you yelling? who are these people?**

Zoe: oh well we think you were dead or something an we made a party ^_^

**doesn't surprise me...and the yelling?**

Zoe: oh well, you see...there's no booze anymore =D

***free Takuya and watch the fridge empty* NOOOOOOOOO! Did you drink it all!? It was you isn't? You'll pay for this!**

Zoe: no wait we haven't drink one single beer!

**???**

J.P: yeah it was like that when I opened it

**oh I see...wait a sec why the hell you opened the refrigerator chunk!? You have forbidden to open a fridge!**

J.P: eh hehehe it's a funny story, you see I was-

**hungry I guess, again doesn't surprise me, where are the twins anyway**

Takuya: last time I saw them the emo kid was making out with an emo ghost girl or something and the brother of the emo was trying to get laid I think

**interesting, wait did you said ghost girl!? That's weird didn't know the castle was haunted**

Zoe: it used to belong to a vampire and you didn't suspect that!?

…**..no.......*Zoe smacks her forehead***

_mean while in another place let's say near a bathroom_

Kouichi: hey girl want to come the bathroom with me?

Another girl: fucking idiot pervert!*bitch slap*

Kouichi: damn! Hey girl want to come the bathroom with me?

Random girl: ah! It's the pervert again*bitch slap*

Kouichi: ouch that was the first girl! What the fuck I need to do to get laid!?

_I can help you with that_

Kouichi: what? Who said that?

_It was me Yuuko the temporal narrator of this fic(also I work in the scavengers) and I just heard you want to get some?_

Kouichi: oh-h-h-hi Yuuko I j-j-just- I didn't I-

_it's okay Kouichi-kun you'll get some*put a hand on his manhood* eventually_

Kouichi: Yu-Yuuko!*gasp*

_mmm I see you like it...but you'll need to wait to a later chapter of the scavengers! Oops spoilers!_

Kouichi: and what I'm suppose to do until then!?

_I don't know, I'll tie you in a chair and then you'll see me strip my clothes in front of you and some lap dancing_

Kouichi: okay then ^_^

**what the fuck was all that about!? Yuuko I think you were...in another place**

_oh hi boss, I just decided to came in I was bored_

**it doesn't matter anyway, did you know where Kouji is by the way**

_I think he's in the bathroom with some emo girl _

**thanks,*open door*hey Kouji I-*see Kouji with Carmilla the ghost emo girl having sex on the toilet***

Carmilla: ahhh!*disappear and leave Kouji in a uncomfortable situation since everyone was watching him*

Kouji: eh....this is...ectoplasm

everyone: O_O disgusting

**all right that wraps up this chapter I know it was short but the sexual things would continue if I don't stop right now, maybe I'll write a lemon later don't know anything can happen, speaking of sex I know I or we, talk about sex too much in this fic specially our favorite couple ¬_¬ I want to tell ya something, sex is wonderful BUT it must be made with responsibility, you can have sex with random people but that can and usually lead to accidents A.K.A. Pregnancy, early marriages (poorly ones), sexual diseases and sometimes suicide, my recommendation is, if you're going to have sex make sure is with the person you love and care (and pretty sure about it at least one year of being GF/BF maybe that's too long time in some cases) yeah I'm not your Dad to tell you that but I care about you people, specially the girls cuz boys aren't the ones who carry a creature 9 months sometimes not even the condoms can't avoid this things (rare cases) so if you want sex, use condom (especially if your partner isn't experienced) well that's all, don't take sex lightly and if you broke with your partner months later don't be afraid of getting another one, that person would love you no matter if you're virgin or not (or at least I don't care) this message is for both, boys and girls and I write this to the young ones who are a little disturbed by the contents of this fic, I'm not a pervert well maybe I am, I don't know, don't really care if people think I am one**

**also the emo ghost and the empty fridge were idea of the sick( sick=cool ^_^) yet most beautiful mind of blackandblood, later people suggest and thank you for the ideas Ash**

**oh wait I can't end this chapter I promised I'll reveal my name....**

**I like games so I'll play one with you people, I'm intelligent, I'm somehow cruel, even my best friend screw me over and my last words were: "et tu brute"**

**Takuya: and his name is on a tequila brand and many fashion stores!**

**Shut up idiot not so many clues! Well you have until I write a new chapter to answer I'll give bloody cookies no matter if you don't answer correctly**

**Oh well see ya later, also you can ask me anything you want to know about me, don't ask me to do your homework cuz wikipedia exist for that, later people review please**

Zoe: wait!

**What!? I want to go now**

Zoe: why you were banging your head against the keyboard?

**Oh that? I was only imitating "douche copy" typing in his computer, now I know why that guy is so stupid and can't know that asshole is actually one word...what an asshole**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: hello childreeeeeeen! Que pedo!? It's _waz 'up_ in spanish (or at least in mexico)**

**before we begin, I want to say something to all flamers/trolls or whatever those douchebags are called: in case you didn't notice, at the moment you write your "review" and say stupid thing like your story sucks (but didn't say why), I want to rape you!(desperate much?) and when I or other writer answer to your nonsensical review and you act like "you stopid biotch, Im gona kull you blah blah blah..." you only prove something.....you lost the game, in fact the only way to win is not to review the story, every time you review only saying "bitch" (or worse) the review count goes up! Making the story even better!**

**Random reader: "OMG that story have lots of reviews! It must be awesome!"**

**see? The point is, we don't really give a shit what you say! **

**We enjoy getting flamers actually, it makes the life more interesting and in case you wondering, yes, you are clowns for our amusement.**

**that's all, so if you want to insult me go ahead, a fly is more annoying than whatever you can say**

**chapter 8 this was supposed to be the seven oh well it doesn't had any continuity anyway**

**disclaimer: I don't own digimon or any character fictional or real life in here**

**welcome to DFN! With:**

**Zoe Orimoto**

**Takuya Kanbara**

**Kouji Minamoto, the weather**

**Kouichi Kimura, spectacles**

**Junpei "J.P." Shibayama, sports**

**and Tommy Himi our field reporter**

**and now the news...**

Zoe: good day ladies and gentleman, the news today are...I'm pregnant! ^_^

everybody: WHAT!? *Takuya who was eating a cookie, was choking*

Zoe: hahaha you fell for it! I'm not pregnant...yet

Takuya: you really scared me Z

Zoe: why? You don't want to have a baby!?

Takuya: um well no

Zoe: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

Takuya: eh I mean not yet, of course I want to have son or daughter heheheehe*laugh nervously*

Zoe: just what I want to hear ^_^*hugs Takuya*

Takuya: in other news I'm sick and tired of the new story of Jester "beauty of insanity"

**why? Don't you like the attention you receive from other readers?**

Takuya: well yeah but...I bite a penis! And people beat me and it hurts...did I mention I bite a penis?

Zoe: don't worry surely was fake isn't Julio?

Takuya: right?

**ah....it's a funny story, you see I didn't manage to buy a fake one so it was real and the nurse was real too ^_^**

Takuya: what!? Why the fuck you don't buy a fake one

**sorry dude, I don't have enough money actually**

Takuya: disgusting, I quit!

**You can't quit I own you (not really but he don't know that) **

Takuya: that's not true! I can quit of this shitty job anytime!

**Look at your ass and you'll see why you can't go**

***Takuya go to a mirror and look at his ass***

Takuya: what!? Where that tattoo came from?

'_I, takuya kanbara, is now owned by every single author out there, so therefore whatever stupid thing they want to make me do, i must comply with their orders'_

Takuya: I don't remember someone put me that!

**I did it the other night, in fact everyone here has one but with your own name on it ^_^*everyone looks at their asses***

Everyone: you crazy mother fuckers!

**Hey it wasn't easy! Especially with Takuya, you know how hard is to make a tattoo if your humping on Zoe?**

Takuya: that explains the strange tickle I felt...wait you were spying on us!?

**No you two came kissing into my office while I was in my business, both jumped on the desk and begin to do it! You know the story after that**

Takuya: oh I see

Zoe: hey I got another one in my hip, I don't remember it

_Takuya was here_

Takuya: yeah I made that ^_^*very proud face*

Zoe: what's this? More?

Takuya: what?

_Takuya was here_

_also_

_Julio_

_Kouji_

_Kouichi_

_Tommy_

_J.P._

Takuya*with bloodshot eyes*: what's the meaning of this!? Zoe how could you!?

Zoe: what!? I didn't remember to do it with other guys? Maybe Tommy or Jester but J.P. Not even drugged or drunk

J.P.: T-T

Tommy: Yeah!

Takuya: don't lie to me! Look at their names!I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!*quickly a cage fall on Takuya trapping him* let me out bitches!

**Thank you Zoe, now I got my crazy Takuya to write the next chap of BoI**

Zoe: you're welcome*lick a finger in a nasty way*

Takuya: ZOE!!!

Zoe: relax Taky*with the saliva remove the other names*

Takuya: WHAT? O_o;

Zoe: see? it was only some ink, I've never had sex with other person besides you Takuya...or so I think*shrugs*

Takuya: I think I'm going crazy...*sit on a corner sucking his thumb*

**hell be fine, now the weather with Kouji....I said the weather with Kouji! FUCK where are you emo kid!?**

Kouichi: he is with Carmilla

**the ghost?**

Kouichi: yep, I don't know how they do it but Carmilla can be solid for very long time

Yuuko: solid like me?

Kouichi:*gasp* Y-Yuuko!*faints*

Yuuko: oh it's so cute when he faints

**I don't know about cute men but I know I don't have any weather man neither spectacles **

Yuuko: don't worry boss I can do both jobs ^w^, the Weather with ME YUUKO! Today we have cloudy sky 95% is pure smog! You dirty people! Acid rain on some rural areas which for some reason cause stupidity for kids and old people and good news the air near the castle now is only mortal to children below 10 years old and adults over 50 years old ^w^ that were the weather, the sports with J.P.!

J.P.:thank you Yuuko, there's a new sport it's called "douche-toss" it's simple, it's fun and you do a great favor to the world! The only think you need to do is pick a douchebag a.k.a. (R Kelly, Fuck Buddy, Douche-copy or whatever people you like) grab him/her by the ass, inserting the middle finger and the ring finger like a bowling ball, then with the other hand you take them by the nose and spin around and toss them, the one who toss the douchebag more far away wins! Oh the better part of it is you toss them to a pit full of rabid and hungry wolves an...why are you looking at me like that?

Everyone: O_o;

Tommy: since when you use a YELLOW SPANDEX!?

J.P.: it's very comfortable and I am a SUPA HERO!whoosh!*both arms in position like superman* I can fly!*jumps from the stairs and falls leaving a crater*ouch

Zoe: J.P.!

Tommy: J.P.!

Takuya: J.P.!

**The floor! Look what you done to the floor! T_T so expensive**

J.P: can anybody help me?

Kouji: I'll help you man!

J.P.: thank you man!

Kouji: you're welcome my best friend!^_^

J.P.: wait...wait wait wait are you Kouji?

Kouji: yes why?

J.P.: well it's just..

Takuya: the Kouji we know is a fucking emo! He hate us, he hate himself, is is, is emo!

Kouji: why would I be like that?

**Hard life?**

Carmilla: hi guys*she passes in front of us with a cigar*

Kouji: hi Carmilla, I'm so happy

Tommy: dammit I shouldn't drink too much water, I need to take a leak

Kouji: wait Tommy don't go to that bathroom!

Tommy:*open door* ah! White ectoplasm!*vomit*

**ah disgusting, Kouji's ectoplasm! Commercials! **

_Are you bored and tired of those normal dolls for little girls? With their baby sounds and all that stuff, what about make them fun! YES fun with our new BUZZSAW BABY!  
Watch it walk, what it fall and watch it cut through the family pet!  
Just call to 01-800- I LOV- DOCTOR STEEL, batteries not included_

_world domination toys are property of Doctor Steel ™_

_**ugh that horrible sem-ectomplasm isn't cleaned yet another commercial please we can't work with this mess**_

_water is fun, you can fill it in a super soaker and wet your friends hahaha how much fun isn't but you suddenlty became BORED, if water is fun, GASOLINE IS FUNNER*fire sounds* yea our new gasoline super soaker can burn you friends, your house, your grandma and everybody in town, call now  
01-800-I LOV- DOCTOR STEEL matches and gasoline are now included_

_world domination toys are property of Doctor Steel ™_

**okay everything is clean now, thanks clean master!**

Clean master: you're welcome! Now I need to go to clean more places,whoosh!

Everybody: bye clean master!

Clean master: CLEAN MATER AWAY!*fly leaving bubbles*

Yuuko: NOW THE SPECTACLES with ME! YUUKO! In the past months Izumi "Zoe" Orimoto has change names at least 3 times in facfiction! Now I don't remember the all the names but one of them was Kouishiro Izumi "Izzy" we must remember that Izzy is from season one this caused a controvery about Takuya's sexual orientation and much people believe for weeks that Takuya was GAY! Fortunately the names corrected, Zoe got her identity again and Takuya is still GAY

Takuya: HEY!

Yuuko: kidding!

Takuya: I don't feel like crazy anymore

**I need you crazy for the story! You can't act crazy unless you are one! ZOE!  
**Zoe: right away!*both of us hide behind a curtain a silhouettes of us could be seen*

Takuya: hey what are you doing!?

***The silhouettes begin to do some sex, Takuya was still behind the cage *  
oh yes, ZOE! Oh!**

Zoe: oh JESTER oh! Faster faster!

Takuya: what the fuck! Stop touching her! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

***what really is happening behind the curtain is, I and Zoe are playing some xbox and the silhouettes are mannequins with some string that make them move***

Kouji: I'm feeling emo again!

Carmilla:come hun, I'll make you feel not emo again! *go to the bathroom again*(yep that's why Kouji wasn't emo this chapter)

**A/N: now that Takuya is crazy again I must end this extremely (NOT) fun chapter, so see ya later people and remember "don't feed the J.P." to give an idea of how J.P. Looked with the yellow spandex look in youtube for "FATMAN+freakezoid" and you'll see, also Doctor Steel is a real person you tube it too if you want, he's crazy but wise later people! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH*jump from cliff***


	9. Tommy's fun day

**A/N: okay people, today is a horrible day, I don't want to talk about it so enjoy this chapter, I'll write to feel better, on another note, what's going on with the random compliment reviews of anonymous people? I mean I feel good to receive some good reviews but...they're a little disturbing, I feel like someone tried to flirt with me.**

_We are on our dinner enjoying the food prepared by Eye-gor, suddenly something weird happened, Zoe step on the table and begin to sing_

**ZOE**  
I feel pretty  
Oh so pretty  
I feel pretty and witty and gay  
And I pity  
Any girl who isn't me today  
I feel charming  
Oh so charming  
It's alarming how charming I feel  
And so pretty  
That I hardly can believe I'm real  
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?  
Who can that attractive girl be?  
Such a pretty face  
Such a pretty dress  
Such a pretty smile  
Such a pretty me!  
I feel stunning  
And entrancing  
Feel like running  
And dancing for joy  
For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy  
**THE GUYS INCLUDING ME**  
Have you met my good friend Zoe  
The craziest girl on the block?  
You'll know her the minute you see her  
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock  
She thinks she's in love  
She thinks she's in Spain  
**Zoe**: lalalaaaala

She isn't in love  
She's merely insane  
**Tommy: **It must be the heat  
**Kouichi: **Or some rare disease  
**J.P.:**Or too much to eat  
**Me:**Or maybe it's fleas  
Keep away from her  
Send for Kouji  
This is not the Zoe we know  
Modest and pure  
Polite and refined  
Well-bred and mature  
And out of her mind!  
Miss America, Miss America, speech!  
Miss America, bravo, speech!  
**Zoe**  
I feel pretty  
Oh so pretty  
That the city should give me its key  
A committee  
Should be organized to honour me  
**GUYS: lalalalaaaaalala**

I feel dizzy  
I feel sunny  
I feel fizzy and funny and fine  
And so pretty  
Miss America can just resign  
See the pretty girl in that mirror there  
**Guys:**What mirror, where?  
Who can that attractive girl be?  
**Guys**:Which, what, where, whom?  
Such a pretty face  
Such a pretty dress  
Such a pretty smile  
Such a pretty me!  
**Zoe & Guys**  
I feel stunning  
And entrancing  
Feel like running and dancing for joy  
For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy (**Takuya: that's me)**

_we take our seats again and finish our dinner_

**okay that was weird and unexpected**

Zoe: you tell me, I don't know why I did that, I mean I don't sing

Takuya: it was a good song, you sing pretty well actually

**yeah another smart comment to take her to the bed, anyway we're not going to work today so*everyone rush out of the meeting room leaving smoking images of them on their seats* you...bastards*some pull my shirt* huh? Oh Tommy what can I do for ya?**

Tommy: hey can I use the video camera for a while?

**Of course, take it**

Tommy: thanks

**I'll be in my room if you need something don't look for me, I'll be sleeping...maybe with someone**

Tommy: okay (now this is gonna be fun! I'll record everyone doing everything they'll normally don't do mwuahahahhaa)

**you said something? I hear you laughing like a maniac**

Tommy: um...er...nope it wasn't me, bye

**bye...weirdo**

_moments later outside J.P.'s room_

Tommy: (haha, I'll see what the tubby is doing)*open door slowly and slightly*

_J.P. Was sited on an small chair around of a small table with...stuffed animals having a tea party!? WTF!?_

J.P.: would you like another cup mrs. Betsy the grog?

J.P. Making a weird voice of betsy the frog: oh thank you Junpei, tell me how's the relationship with Zoe and you?

J.P.: she's still with Kanbara...I hate that guy, he's stupid, 24/7 horny and stupid!

Betsy the frog: such a shame, you would be a better boyfriend, you only need to kill Takuya

J.P.: kill him?

Betsy the frog: yes kill him, but make it look like an accident dear

J.P.: yes kill Kanbara...KILL KANBARA! To get Zoe!

Tommy: OMG! What crazy frog of yours J.P!

J.P.: what the hell!? Gimme that camera kid!*rise from his chair and chases Tommy*

Tommy: oh shit! Gotta run!*run down the stairs with J.P. Behind* oh crap oh crap oh crap!*J.P. Slip on a step and fall and roll like a boulder* oh shit!

_Tommy run desperately and J.P....roll desperately? Wait a minute turn on the Indiana Jones theme!_

_Dandanran dannnndan darannnnn dandaraaannnndannnn dan darannnn dan daradandaradandradan dan dan daraaaaaaaan (okay crappy imitation of the theme)_

J.P.: I'll roll over you Tommy, gimme the tape!

Tommy: fuck you!

J.P.: what!? grrrr*roll even more faster, I don't know how is that possible but hey it's J.P.*

_Tommy tried to run faster, evading poison darts, spears that tried to impale him, finally the end of the stairs was near, but he stepped on some sort of switch and a stone door began to move down to seal the path, tommy run fast as he could the door was almost closed but Tommy slide like a baseball player to pass it._

Tommy: hell yeah! Oh my hat!*takes hat before the door close completely* that was close*thud!*

J.P.: ouch my head! *he was behind the sealed door*

Tommy: haha take that fat-ass, now to the next room

_Tommy made his way to a room with a skull for knob it was Kouji's room he again open it slowly, apparently his room was transformed in some weird emo music club or something weird really weird, a lot of people is gathered here_

Kouji: hello my name is Kouji and I'm an emo

_everyone: hi Kouji*slit their wrist at the same time*gah! Oouch!_

_Music plays and on the center of the scenario Carmilla the emo ghost were playing a guitar all her makeup was melted on her face due to the tears_

Carmilla: I was five and he was six  
We rode on horses made of sticks  
He wore black and I wore white  
He would always win the fight

Bang bang  
He shot me down, bang bang  
I hit the ground , bang bang  
That awful sound, bang bang  
My baby shot me down ...

Tommy: okay...this is too depressing for me*all the emos inside turned to see Tommy* eh...hehe how ya doin', I see you still got a lot of blood to spill and...hehe...I better run

Kouji: you better boy! Get him! He has seen too much!

Tommy: dammit!*close the door behind*

_I wonder what Takuya and Zoe are doing now...stupid question I knew what are they doing(sex) anyway I'll go and see, music is coming out from that room in the basement, *open door* Takuya and Kouichi were chained to the ceiling, naked, they were gagged with a ball did I mention they were naked?, Zoe and Yuuko on the other hand were em...er...wearing some leather clothes I think it's called dominatrix outfit or something like that...it doesn't leave much to the imagination, the music was strange I think it was Nancy Sinatra's this boots are made for walking! O_O_

Takuya: mmttffctzzzz*Takuya tried to say something*

Zoe: was that?*slap Takuya with a riding crop near his groin*

Takuya: MMMMMMMM!!!!

Zoe: shut up bitch!*slap him again on other body parts*

Kouichi: mm...hm?

Yuuko: what's that dear? You like some of it too?*Kouichi shake his head* no? You don't decide that anyway*whip Kouichi on his waist obviously with a whip*

Kouichi: MMMMMMHHHHHMMM!

Yuuko: like that bitch? Get some more!*whip Kouichi more times*

_both of them tried to free themselves from the chains but their feet were chained too to the floor, Zoe slap Takuya in the ass near his nuts with the riding crop, Yuuko whip Kouichi's buttocks harder_

Tommy: (this is the most weird thing I've seen in my short life, I better get out here)*tommy proceeded to close the door*

Zoe and Yuuko: bye Tommy!*Tommy froze instantly, he thought nobody has seen him*

Tommy: bye!*runaway*

_so this day ends, I Tommy Himi ,the most Innocent (yeah right) member of the frontier gang recorded everyone on their spare time, my investigation concludes in...everybody have serious mental problems not only Jester, which reminds me why I don't recorded him? Oh yeah, he's the only one who actually lock his door to prevent this kind of situations, okay readers hope you enjoyed this chapter, starring me Tommy, review or I'll record you while you go to the bathroom and spread it in youtube!_

**What video are you going to spread on youtube?**

Tommy: I didn't say anything!

**But I hear-**

Tommy: I didn't say anything okay, leave me alone, you're not my DAD! I hate you!*leaves to his room and lock the door*

**what the hell I said? Kids and sugar...bad combination...maybe was some Kouji's influence...hmmmm**

**random girl: what are you doing? Get back to the bed!**

**Okay okay, jeez you never had enough isn't?**

**A/N: thanks for reading another funny and not suitable for children chapter! And as Tommy said REVIEW or he'll spread a video on youtube about you in the bathroom!**


End file.
